“No one can screw the top back on anything!” My friend Sierk said to me the other day about his girlfriend Tessa and apparently her entire extended family, “Bottles, jars, even tubes. Nothing is ever sealed again after it’s been opened! Everything goes bad or spills all over the place when you pick it up”
“And they’re immune to caring about it too! All the juice out of the pickle jar leaks into the refrigerator and Tessa just says, ‘oh look’ as if nothing happened.”
I asked him what the problem was exactly, do they leave the tops off entirely or are they always crooked?
“No they just can’t screw lids properly, it’s not even crooked, it’s just not all the way on.”
During this revelation Tessa, well within hearing range, has been sunning herself in a bikini, seemingly unconcerned as ever.
“Well at least she can screw something right.” I suggested, gesturing towards her seven-months-pregnant belly, “Right?”
He considered this for a moment.
“That just means she can sit still long enough.”