In a move to show their solidarity for Turkey’s bid to join the European Union, 1,500 sheep staged a mass suicidal protest today. Unable to douse themselves with gasoline, owing to a lack of opposable thumbs, they resorted to the only means at their disposal. Thanks to the physics of pillows, 1,050 sheep have survived to tell a great cautionary tale.
Residents of neighboring towns will be showing their solidarity to the gesture with mass shishkabobbing.
In other news, the Associated Press deemed this piece to be newsworthy and on par with Operation Scimitar.
Sidenote: What asshole is coming up with these stupid Operation names anyway?