The Secret of Holiday Weight Loss

Last holiday season Mother Nature came down hard core and slapped me with some extra pounds. She was pissed and jealous that I’d managed to stuff all the food in the world in my face at once, swallowed without choking and then washed it down with all the wine not locked in a church. I let nothing hold me back and when I was done my pants weren’t up to the task of holding all of me in.

Man, those were fun good times.

This year was different. This year I managed to catch myself the mother of all sinus infections that doesn’t really go away, merely waxing and waning with the tides. One week on and then one week off. One week my tongue works, next week it’s gone on vacation in Mallorca, leaving me with a mouth full of dead nothingness.

Luckily I was given a week furlough over Christmas and thus managed to consume a case of sushi, and gave meaning to the death of a hell of a lot of fish. Then the gates of smell and taste slammed shut and left me outside begging for scraps. This is where I still stand today.

It could have been worse.I still missed my last big chance to pork out before the wedding got too close. But at least I’m not alone in my suffering.


3 responses to “The Secret of Holiday Weight Loss

  1. I so often pray for some minor parasite to aid in my weightloss goals.

  2. Yeah I often wonder why tape worms can’t just be ordered over the internet, it’s so much trouble to walk hopefully around barefoot looking to scrape one up. Hmmm Parasitical dieting, the ‘all natural approach’…

  3. Right now I can see much more belly (mine) than I want or need to see … I can’t really blame it all on German Christamas food – BUT I WILL!